Durants move to Golden State has put an end to the Based Gods prophecy that he would never win an NBA championship. But Durant wasnt the only NBA player to be cursed
I said before that 2016 is the year the great sports curses would all be lifted, and this weekend, I was proved right, again. Perhaps the most vicious curse of them all was wiped away. The Based Gods (AKA Lil B) curse against Kevin Durant has been voided, lifted, expunged.
Way back in 2011, the Bay Area rapper and Golden State Warriors fan Lil B announced on Twitter that Kevin Durant would never win an NBA championship because Durant had criticized his music. The following year, KDs Oklahoma City Thunder lost to the Miami Heat in the NBA finals. They havent been back since, and now Durant is off to the Warriors to form the most terrifying basketball team since that high school basketball team recruited a werewolf to play point guard. In this analogy, Kevin Durant is Teen Wolf.
This put Lil B in a tough spot. Hed not only cursed Durant to years of basketball mediocrity, he also wrote a diss track challenging him to a game of one-on-one while rapping over the top of DJ Khaleds Brown Paper Bag. Fair warning: that this song is filled with colorful language, though I recommend watching just so you see Lil Bs atrocious jump shot and listen to him reference stepping into the club like Dirk Nowinski.
Lil B did the best he could to smooth things over with a tweet that lifted the curse following KDs announcement of his intent to sign with Golden State. Well, technically, Lil B didnt lift the curse. The Based God lifted the curse. Whats the Based God, you ask? Its a made up deity that Lil B refers to as both an alter ego for himself and a separate entity that speaks to him (and through him). Youd need a religious scholar to explain it all fully, but I believe its akin to the relationship between Jesus of Nazareth and the Hebrew God of the Old Testament in the Christian faith. You see, Jesus is God, but God is also Jesuss dad. Lil B is the Based God, but the Based God is also its own being, though not Lil Bs dad. Im certain Lil B has a human father.
Ive gotten sidetracked. The point is that the curse is lifted and now Kevin Durant has no supernatural excuse for not winning the NBA championship. Actually, he just joined the greatest offensive team in history, so he has no excuses of the tangible variety either. Lil B rode the curse to increased mainstream relevance, appearances on ESPNs SportsNation, and a starring role in the annual drama that is the National Basketball Association. Thats all over now, though. He can go back to whatever it is that he does when hes not tweeting. Maybe he can practice his jumper.
Oh wait …
I almost forgot something.
You see, Kevin Durant was not the only NBA player to be cursed. The Houston Rockets James Harden was cursed for appropriating Lil Bs famous cooking dance without permission or attribution. This also angered the Based God, and since then James Harden has dated a Kardashian, signed a deal with Adidas for his own hideous shoe line, and seen the Rockets go from championship contenders to massive afterthoughts in the span of a couple years. All Lil B has asked Harden to do is show love though he has continually refused. Instead, he has consistently disregarded the curses potential effect on his career. So, I say to James Harden, its time to make things right. You can save yourself. Its time to take your talents to Oakland and join the Golden State Warriors. If Lil B has his way, every great player will come play for his favorite team and show love in the most outward way possible. Its time.